HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
 1)  Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 
work boots.
 2)  Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo 
Magazine.
 3)  Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
 4)  Leave a note on your door that reads:
 Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim:
 I went for more ammunition.  Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit 
bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real 
bad.  I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell 
from all the blood.  Any way, I locked all 4 of 'em in  the house. 
Better wait outside.
Cooter
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